Remember your worth.

Remember your worth.

I preach this to EVERYONE I speak to. I tell myself it everyday and my mum text me the other day asking if she had ever told me I’m enough and if not that I am. So are you, how many times a day do you find yourself putting yourself down? questioning if you’re good enough? how many times a day/week/month do you second guess doing something because you don’t think you’re good enough?  let me tell you something that you need to do, stop.

I met a guy on a night out once, i was drunk, we kissed and swapped numbers and because I’d been kissing him the night we met he assumed all I wanted was sex, sex is great and if I wanted it from him and he wanted it with me, just like anyone else, I’d have had it with him but I won’t have him thinking for one moment I’ll just be sleeping with him. Babe’s there’s only one me, only one you.. it takes more than a drink and a text to sleep with me (if a one night stand is reading this, you was the Exception  and I knew you 😉 haha!) because I’m worth SO much. Anyone would be lucky to date me, to date you, there’s no one else quiet like us! 

Listen to the signs too, listen to what someone is ACTUALLY saying, don’t sugar coat it, read to much into it, fantasise about how it’ll be any different to what they are saying. If he doesn’t text you back but can like that other girls picture on Instagram or Facebook (that you saw whilst stalking his every move whilst pretending you totally don’t care, obvs) don’t even waste your time preaching to him why this is wrong. Talks about their ex constantly? They’re still hung up on them, trust me learnt this through my own experiences and my friends, again don’t preach it, let it be, know your worth and set your standards to the highest level. 

Never accept any less than what you know you deserve, be respected, be treat like the absolute queen that you are, how you would want your best friend to be treated is the same way YOU should be treat.  I don’t care if this guy is Tom Hardy (OK,  I’m lying I’d allow pretty much every one of my standards to drop for this guy lol) don’t ever allow a guy to make you feel anything less than the gorgeous, intelligent, funny, endearing, interesting sex goddess that you are. Own it, be that strong independent women that you are until someone comes along and gives you that butterfly rush but even then, never ever forget your worth.

love yourself always,  Charlotte xo

The first step is admitting you need help.

The first step is admitting you need help.

I’m an open book, you know this already. I speak openly about everything sexual, physical, emotional, financial you name it I’m open about it. I love being this way as I feel it always encourages people to also be open,  I can’t tell you the amount of people who have said to me in the past ‘I’ve been through that too and wouldn’t have said if you hadn’t’ I’ve said it before one voice can make an army. 

I always say to people who speak openly and confidentially to me that the first step of getting to where you want to be is admitting you need help. Now as an independent white women admitting I need help was almost like a *ha yeah right I don’t need no one let alone admitting openly to someone that I do* but adult Charlotte had a word with myself after weeks of feeling low about life and questioning everything I decided to reach out and search for some counselling. 

These feelings I have stem from my past relationship. It’s an unexplainable pain, anxiety, nausea, confusion you name it I’ve felt it. I blocked out all my feelings and trauma when I went to Australia, when I returned and went home back to Leeds,  back to the house we stayed in a few times back to the places we went together back to, reality.. it really really hurt the memories where there but they hurt, before I left they where what drew me back to him. It would be something on TV or something someone said and it would instantly remind me of something he had done or said in anger or done in an attack and I couldn’t move, anxiety rushing through my body, the thought of failure, never being able to escape these memories. Leaving someone who I loved because I had to, because they where destroying me, because what they had done was so bad I couldn’t ever imagine forgiving them has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do so far in my life.

So I’ve reached out, I can’t live like this, I can’t keep pushing it to the back of my head, constantly on edge incase I have a trigger and I break down the way I do. I found a charity called behind closed doors who focus on women who have gotten out of domestic violence relationships.  I have over the phone counselling for now whilst on the waiting list for one to one. It helps, speaking to someone who doesn’t know me, doesn’t know anything helps me to be honest with myself.

One thing I will say is you have to be your own number one, look after yourself first and never, ever feel alone because one thing I’ve learnt is that there’s so many of us out there trying to get through life the best way we can

From a guys point of view..

From a guys point of view..

My  friend Ahmad and I often find ourselves having conversations with each other about  life lessons we’ve had so far (mainly me slating men for being fuck boys lol) But It’s always good to see life from another point of view and also Ahmad follows and loves my blogs and wanted to give writing a shot, his words are always true and inspiring so these are his.. 

Perspective: What you make it to be!

“If only you could see, the way I see things to be”. Everyone has their own outlook on life, to situations, and to the very moment or event you’re experiencing in this instant, each unique, beautiful and deeply personal to the beholder.

Just to put things in perspective, the same way you are currently sat in front of a laptop or phone reading this blog, not noticing the smaller details around you, keep yourself there and imagine a camera pan out; above and beyond you and now see the image of yourself, sat wherever you are, in front of a laptop or holding a phone, reading a blog, amongst all the other crazy things going on around you.

Now that, is perspective! The ability to see from your viewpoint, but to zoom out and to see your perspective, from another perspective. Wow!

In case you haven’t noticed already, this is kind of a takeover, which has been agreed to after some discussion. Might as well get the ball on my imaginary career in journalism rolling (one of the many imaginary careers I have the ability to visualise myself as lol) but yeah, thought I’d leave ya’ll with some food for thought.

You might be thinking, “a lad writing a blog?”, haha let me take the time to mention that I grew up with 5 sisters so I know the female specimen quite well, and to all the people out there that see this thing as somewhat of a taboo (if that’s the right word), all I can respectfully say is “we’re not the same”. The word taboo reminds me of Tom Hardy who is damn fine and handsome but yeah, that’s a topic for another conversation haha.

The message I have for you today is, and apologies for being blunt but, “do whatever the fuck you wanna do, and then some”. Me personally, I like or rather LOVE photography (Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ahmadravat8/)  and the kind of buzz I get from waking up early in the morning, hitting the motorway and taking a shot, yes just a single shot, is indescribable. But remember, with great things come great sacrifices, but that’s only true if you perceive it as a sacrifice. I see it more as an investment.

As I’m sitting here writing this now, I still feel the remnants of the tiring decision I made whilst working on the Saturday. Sat at work while the weather is “hella fine” thinking wow how am I really inside right now, so what did I do? Went home after work, packed my bags and hit the motorway. Within 24 hours, I’d covered 550 miles from 9 hours sleep in the 48 hours prior to that, “fuck it lol” I said. A lack of sleep, but an investment nevertheless, on a personal level, in myself, one which I’ll never have the words to explain.

You only have a day once, so, just do whatever you need to do! We’re all human and we all go through things. What really matters is how you decide to deal with that situation at hand. And yes, how YOU decide to deal with it, because nothing is a reflex, and you have the FULL ability to make a decision in your best interest and

determine the outcome. You just need to be crazy enough to deal with the result either way.

For those who more often than not, get the short end of the stick, don’t stop being who you are and don’t let a situation take over your life. Time passes and one day you’ll look back at how insignificant that moment is to you in the present. As we humans are forgetful, we can easily let go if we really want to, but often, we like experiencing that pain, just because it evokes a different set of emotions. You can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, that “yeah shit the worlds against me and I’m just trying to be good”, but guess what darling, hate to break it to you but NO ONE CARES, so why do you?

So many people hold back from being who they are; or end up being someone who they’re not; worrying about what people think about them and giving them the honour of passing judgment on them. Simply said, why does everyone have to be the same? Is there only one way to live and does everyone have to conform to it? No, quite the opposite, diversity is intriguing and brings about curiosity which is key to a healthy life.

Get out of your mind, stop boxing yourself in because it is devastating and you create problems that don’t even exist, at least not yet, but what’s the point of “preparing” for a totally hypothetical situation. When it comes about, think about and deal with it then.

If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to?

That ends my stint at becoming Michael Morpurgo (Private Peaceful is a must read by the way). A little note on the usual author, Charls is a brilliantly motivating individual and quite frankly, is inspirational. She made me reflect on myself and for that I’m forever grateful.

Peace out and God Bless

Ahmad

You’ve got to be your own hero.

You’ve got to be your own hero.

I say this in as non cheesy Instagram quote as I possibly can, lol but it’s true. Normally I would blame my hormones as a get out of jail free card when actually, it’s not my hormones its me being human. We all have the moments, especially as a single person, “I’m going to be alone forever, with 20 cats, an alcoholic, I’ll die in my flat and no one will find me for weeks on end because no one will care” or  little less dramatic “I wish someone would just give me a hug, not a friendship or family hug a hug that has that special feeling” (*throws up in mouth*, can’t believe I just openly said that) lol. I spend my time around relationships, I’m surrounded by god dam relationships there is no escaping them, so it seems some days lol.

I sit here, in my leggings and bra (rolls and all) because i’m too comfortable (and lazy) to get changed. With a bottle of wine, an easter egg my boss bought me (after I told myself this morning no more chocolate, lol) and my sex and the city box set on. I find myself some days feeling super lonely and stressed and all i want at the end of a long stressful day is home, tea, shower and some really good sex (sex solves so much, don’t lie!) This is where the being your own super hero comes into it. I could easily dwell on this, cry myself to sleep and wonder where my soul mate is and why i haven’t found them yet. OR i could continue being the boss bitch that i am, that you are too. Relationship or not, you have your days where only YOU can pull yourself back round, It’s normal to feel sorry for yourself, its normal to not want anything to do with anyone, its normal to bury your head in the sand for a day or two, after three days call for emergency help from a friend you need a bottle of wine or chocolate or a night out.. hell, all three! But It’s about reminding myself that I can cook my own dam tea, run my own bath and get myself some sex if and when I want it.

Notes to self, make time for you, to often we’re to busy doing things for everybody else that we forget to remember the most important person in our lives, OUR SELF. I make it a given that every pay day week I book myself in somewhere either for my nails doing, my eyelashes doing, or both lol. Me time is a so important. Praise yourself babe.

Take a step back from life, have a look at all the things you have in life, the amazing people you have in your life and the achievements you’ve achieved so far. And last but not least you need to remember how absolutely awesome you are as a person.

On a final note, Never, ever, allow someone to tell you that you need a significant other to make you the person you are, If we’re alone crazy cat ladies then at least we’ll all be alone together. Be your own super hero.

xo charlotte 

Realising a relationship isn’t for me, right now.

Realising a relationship isn’t for me, right now.

Evening my gorgeous bunch. Firstly let me apologize to you for the lack of posting over this last month. I’ve had proper writers block, I’ve had so many ideas and drafts but nothing came out when i sat in front of my laptop. I know a few have messaged me and a few even approached me asking where i’m at, I’ve had my heads in the clouds for a month, It’s been pretty hectic! I’ve had a lot of ups and a few downs! But I’m back bitches. lol.

My followers will know this, but for those that don’t, I got myself a girlfriend! Well, it was a short lived relationship. But i have been with in a relationship over the last month or so. It was lovely, probably one of the best short term relationships I’ve been in, so why you single? I hear you ask.. that’s the thing. I can’t explain it, not to myself, my family or friends who ask nor my now ex girlfriend. The relationship was lovely, both wanted the same things in life both had the same dreams and plans, awesome banter with each other both loved each others families and saw a future. I carry a lot with me from my past long term relationship, the one that flipped my whole life upside down ( you can read that here) I doubt myself massively when it comes to relationships still, I doubt myself as a person – some days because of it. I find confrontation within a relationship scary, I’m constantly worried some one will one day cheat on me again, hit me again, get angry at me all of the things from the past haunt me. That’s no one’s fault but my own, I need therapy. I need to chew someones ear off for a good few hours and learn how to box of my emotions properly and how to truly get over the past. That’s not the only reason, I want to travel – so did she, but when I say I want to travel I mean truly travel, the way I did in Australia, the stories I hold in that country are amazing, the people I met, the adventures i went on a full year of sun sex and friendships. Call me selfish? you’d probably be right but at 22 years old, I am lol so booked New Zealand I fly out at the end of the year.

I did however have THAT conversation with my dad (I’VE A BIG LESBIAN CRUSH!), about being gay, or bisexual whatever label it is that i fit inside. I dreaded this, from my first girlfriend at 16 years old to being 22. To my surprise my dad took it brilliantly, supported me and tells me often he is super proud at how brave and happy i am now I’ve openly had that conversation with him and the rest of my family i’d been hiding in that closet from lol.  It’s a massive weight of my shoulders, I can now comfortably check a women out and not feel like i’ll burn in hell, everyone accepts my greediness, way I see it is, I’m limited at some crazy ass marrying me so i’d be stupid to rule out either gender, lol.

There’s a lot of pressure on young people to find a relationship, settle down, start a family, grow old and be happily ever after. WHY? why does that mean happily ever after? what about the boss bitch who was happy with her life, aiming towards or reached her dream career? who had a strong friendship group? who has confidence with her sexual life to know if she wanted sex, she could have it be it alone or with someone else. Who woke up every morning and lived her life for HER? Relationships can be great, enjoying life with someone can be great. But so can being alone. The best love affair you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. A year ago if you told me I’d be alone I’d have shit myself and settled for the next best thing lol. Life is about living your life the way you want to, regardless of alone or with a significant other. STOP THINKING BEING ALONE IS THE WORSE POSSIBLE THING. Own your life, be proud of yourself, be happy with the life you lead… and right then, when you’re busy getting on with life, right then is when someone comes along, when you’re least expecting it. It’s happened to me a few times. Right now though, a relationship simply doesn’t fit around my lifestyle, and life choices. Right now I’m still focusing on me, my travels and my mental health to lead the best possible life I can wish for.

For now me, myself, my travels (and my vibrator) are a perfect love affair…

Do you, be happy doing you, and make YOU proud, always.

 

To the ones who have been cheated on

To the ones who have been cheated on

I’ll never, ever forget the feeling you get when you find that text message, hear those words or find the evidence of being cheated on. It’s a feeling that is next to non its like the whole world has stopped. For me, my ears started ringing, my heart was beating unbelievably fast, hands shaking and all that would go through my head was ‘why me, why again?’ Being cheated on is the worst possible thing a human being can do to another yet we hear about it all the time on the TV, radio, books make millions from it and movies make Oscars from it.  It makes you doubt yourself, makes you question your own self worth makes you wonder if you even deserved it? we all get told, once a cheat always a cheat and in my past experiences I’ve found this to be true. However, I do know people make mistakes, we’re all human and sometimes we just get life wrong.

Know who I take my hat off to? who I admire? those people who have been cheated on have been messed around who have been that side chick, and STILL believe in themselves and raise their standards higher. You? you are NOT the issue, THEY are the issue. If someone really loved you, really saw something in you and truely wanted to be with you it would never cross their mind to cheat on you. Imagine this, loving someone, really loving someone.. now picture you in bed with someone else, texting someone else, sharing something so personal with someone else other than them (Okay, Brad Pitt and Ruby Rose don’t count) could you do it? no, because love doesn’t do that.

I’m a true believer in love, I believe in it, I’ve seen it and I see it every day. I promote single life, I promote finding yourself and I 100% promote loving you before anyone else because these are all things that YOU need to do before you can really set your standards to a level that you deserve. If you don’t know you and don’t know what you deserve and go and get all these things you will forever settle for second best when you’re not, as cliche as it sounds there is only one you, anybody would be lucky to have us. I talk a lot in my previous posts about self belief you’ve got to believe in you. I believe in you.

I could have easily, easily stayed in bad relationships before, settled for second best, settled for cheating but I didn’t. One day I realised how much of a boss bitch I am and stood up for not only myself and what I believe love is but also to lead as an example, how am I suppose to tell others including my little sister when she’s older and my best friends not to accept anything less than they deserve if I couldn’t do this for myself?! I’d look like a contradictive winey bitch, plus you wouldn’t have the pleasure of reading these blog posts either, lol.

Love is out there, love that doesn’t hurt or cheat. Love that you’ve been looking for. I don’t care how cheesy this sounds, Loving yourself is the best love affair you will ever have. Once you love you, love spending time with yourself and truly content being alone THATS when you set yourself on the right path to find love.

Remember, You do you, Charlotte xo

 

To my valentine..

To my valentine..

Yes, I’m publicly revealing to the world via the Internet my love for you. The reasons you’re my valentine are next to none, you make me who I am, you build me up and encourage me everyday. When I’m down, you’re the first one I turn to for advice and cheering up. You know my flaws my god dam awful flaws of being moody, snappy, sassy and frankly quiet rude sometimes and yet STILL stick around and never leave my side. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll cheat on me, no checking phones or stalking social media to find out if you’re going behind my back. You support my dreams (even that crazy one about trying put pole dancing, until we decided I’m to fat and can’t dance lol).. If you haven’t guessed already, it’s you. My friends,  whether it be a month we’ve known each other or 18 years you’re the ones that keep me going everyday, the ones I couldn’t do life without. Who else would laugh at my life with me? give me a slap around the face when I need putting in place? bring me back down to reality when my mind is away with the fairies? listen to my crazy sex stories and agree when I slate my exs?… I’d never want it to be with anyone else, can you imagine the judgement of someone else? lol. Some of you have partners and my gorgeous god babies yet still find the time to pick up the phone and have me rant to you,sometimes even 5 times a day! sorry, not sorry. 

Who knows? ( i know you tell me everyday someones out there waiting for my crazy ass) I might forever be single with my 10 cats still looking for my prince or princess but at least I’ll have you guys stood by me and of course my trusted vibrator lol.

Love you always, your crazy, disfunctional, dreamer of a friend. xxxxxxx